How Kobe Bryant Taught Me to Cook

When I tell people that Kobe Bryant taught me to cook, I do not mean it literally. That would be my girlfriend. 

Kobe didn’t give me his time. He didn’t share his knowledge. And he didn’t have nearly the same level of investment in my growth and development. For this, my girlfriend is the real GOAT.

But I definitely mean it in the figurative sense. He did manage to share his mindset, and motivate me to make the most of her tutelage.

Growing up, I was not allowed in my parent’s kitchen. I was responsible for a myriad of other household chores, but never cooking. My dad was the primary chef in my family. He also was impatient and always in a hurry to get dinner on the table. Because of this, I was never given the opportunity to fail and learn how to cook. I cannot necessarily blame him either. I never fought for the opportunity to usurp the kitchen responsibilities. Instead, complacency ensued. Slowly, days turned into years, and the skill of cooking evaded me.

I went off to college without the ability to cook. I thought things might change when I was on my own. I then graduated college still not knowing how to cook.

I told myself I didn’t have enough time to learn. I was an engineering major with two part-time jobs. I didn’t have time, right?

But, I still had to feed myself one way or another. I even had my girlfriend offering to teach me. Instead, I was not making it a priority.

After I received my diploma, that changed. I made a resolution to prioritize cooking as I transitioned into adulthood.

With my girlfriend’s offer still on the table, in short order, I became her sous chef and line cook. 

Even with her by my side, it is still tough to learn how to cook. I don’t mean executing pre-defined steps to put meal on my plate. I mean, really learning how to cook is a hard thing to do.

This involves breaking free from the structure of recipes and relying solely on your senses and ingredients. It’s a level that most never reach. And yet, it is what I wanted. 

Execution of a recipe requires balance between different cooking techniques, technical terms, and knife skills needed for prep. Understanding whether or not your result meets the intention of the recipe requires an even more advanced consideration of flavor profiles, textures, and ingredient selection. And if you try to analyze those gaps between expectation and reality, there is even more reflection on the cause and effect relationships between each action in the cooking process, and impact of one ingredient on another.

Again, really learning to cook is hard.

To start at barely being able to boil water and to suddenly be responsible for all of these things felt daunting to say the least. It takes time to develop familiarity with even one of these tools as a cook, let alone a thorough conceptual understanding of all of them. And when you reach the level of my girlfriend, it means you are mindful of all these things simultaneously.

First stepping into the kitchen, there was a lot of failure. Mistakes were made. Frustration began to grow with each misstep. I would come home from work, already tired, and loathed the thought of expending energy on something I would mess up. I’m sure I’m not the only one who felt that way.

There were moments I felt like I simply did not have the capacity to cook. I tried bartering with my girlfriend to accept responsibility for other household chores in exchange for relief from the burden of cooking. However, I ultimately knew this was doing myself a disservice. To her credit, as long as I was willing to try, she was willing to teach.

But in the end assurances only mean so much to someone struggling to see the positive in their efforts. When I felt like I was in a slump and lacking confidence in myself, I would revisit my favorite Kobe Bryant quote:

“I would go 0-for-30 before I would go 0-for-9. 0-for-9 means you beat yourself, you psyched yourself out of the game... The only reason is because you've just now lost confidence in yourself.”

Growing up, I loved basketball. I dribbling a ball for the first time when I was four and instantly fell in love. I’ve been playing ever since.

As this passion grew into my modest athletic career, I carried this quote with me. In a way, it was my muse. A reminder to be confident enough in myself that allowed me compete no matter the opposition. My girlfriend challenged me to carry that mentality off the court.

From that, I learned self-confidence has application beyond your immediate challenges. It is not solely confidence in the results and execution of a task. It is also about maintaining confidence in yourself to do what is necessary to prepare for those challenges.

In the kitchen, it meant that I needed to be confident in my approach by putting in the work to improve one task at a time. Losing confidence in my ability to produce a result was a reflection of a lack of confidence of the preparation process.

This realization taught me something about dedication. Thoughtfully applying your energy into your own development, at some point, you start to see results. When you start to see results, you start to improve your craft.

However, once you see results, there’s an interesting point when your focus shifts to process over the outcome. It’s easy to get excited by the tangible results of your efforts, but this causes you to lose track of the ultimate goal. It’s where the “Mamba Mentality” can make the difference. As Kobe said:

“The mindset isn’t about seeking a result—it’s more about the process of getting to that result. It’s about the journey and the approach. It’s a way of life. I do think that it’s important, in all endeavors, to have that mentality.”

That mentality infected my approach to learning how to cook. Let the results confirm the process. Set a good foundation and then build towards the desired outcome.

I quickly realized that cooking lends itself especially well to this advice. There’s always another meal to make. There’s always another opportunity to practice. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner became my shootarounds and game times.

I had an abundance of opportunity, and the ultimate support system to realize this goal. Or as Kobe said:

“Good coaches, however, teach you how to think and arm you with the fundamental tools necessary to execute properly.”

It is important to approach cooking in this way because it is equal parts art and science. Kind of like basketball.

Ingredients change. Recipes differ. And context matters. As a result, no two dishes will be exactly alike. Learning to cook is ultimately learning to be adaptable. In an environment where everything is variable, one thing needs to be consistent in order to succeed. Or ask Kobe said:

“The only aspect that can’t change, though, is that obsession. You have to enter every activity every single time, with a want and need to do it to the best of your ability.”

Bringing that mindset into the kitchen, I focused my energy on completing each task to the best of my abilities. By channeling that obsession, I was not only inspired to try my best, but it eliminated the fear of failure. My mental energy fixated on thoughtful execution and the process instead of worrying about the outcome. Or as Kobe said:

“It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. And if you guys can understand that, then what you’ll see happen is you won’t accomplish your dreams, your dreams won’t come true; something greater will.”

This became the most liberating and fulfilling aspect of learning to cook. My growth became more important than what was served on the dinner table. The experience in learning a new skill with my significant other became more memorable than any individual meal. Often as food does, it is not about serving but the experience it creates. Somehow the Mamba knew this as well.